just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
