I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
