Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Randomize
