if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
