so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
