Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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