it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
