I swear she didn't look like that last week.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
