I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
