I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
