I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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