I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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