I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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