oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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