I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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