I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
