look no pants
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
