i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
