can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
