Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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