i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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