This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
