2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
