I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
you made out with another girl for some wings
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
