So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
