I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
