I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
