Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
