that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
