i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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