The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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