Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
