he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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