i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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