I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
