Your tits are I can't wait for
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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