I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
smell my finger.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
