everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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