Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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