My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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