I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
