and you said cock pushups were impossible
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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