I will die if light touches me.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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