I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
