Im at strip club and am horny
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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