census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
