my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize