yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
