When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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