In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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