I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
