I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize