Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
