Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
