Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
