Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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