The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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