I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
