Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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