Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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