after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
