I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
