Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
