i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
