she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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