So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
