i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
