We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
