and you said cock pushups were impossible
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
