she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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