You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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