I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
