You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize
