So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
