Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
