I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
