i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Randomize
