i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Never underestimate the power of titties
He has the fingertips of a God
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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