How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
