I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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