I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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