If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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