The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
